


A Letter to the First Person I have ever Loved

by TakahashiNana



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-11-12 08:12:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11157825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakahashiNana/pseuds/TakahashiNana
Summary: Dear Mr. Furihata Kouki:Hi, my name is Akashi Seijuurou. You might remember me as the redhead from the Winter Cup Final. We played against each other briefly there, and...sorry for sending you a letter out of the blue. I know we haven't talked much, but I have heard so much about you, and have wanted to write you a letter like this for such a long time, that I'm actually shaking now that a blank piece of paper is staring back at me.---Since that time we first met, I have always admired your bravery, which contrasted so mercilessly against my cowardice. Before I knew it, I wanted you in my life, not as a distant story to be heard from someone else, but as a person that participates in my life.I think this is love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys...so I have been working on my other fic "Furihata Kouki's a Yaoi Manga Artist" for almost a semester now, but I just couldn't find the time and inspiration to write it in the midst of college. And when I got back to writing, I realized that I forgot how to write, so this was supposed to be a "warm up" to get me back into the mood of writing--but this took me way too long!
> 
> '-' I apologize in advance.

Dear Furihata Kouki:

Hi, my name is Akashi Seijuurou. You might remember me as the redhead from the Winter Cup Final, or Kuroko's middle school friend who you met a couple of weeks ago at his birthday party. We briefly played against each other in a basketball competition before and...I know, from your point of view, we haven't talked much aside from that; but I have heard so much about you, and have wanted to write you a letter like this for such a long time, that I'm actually shaking with a blank piece of paper staring back at me.

...Sorry, as you can probably tell, I'm a bit inexperienced when it comes to matters like this. I know I'm coming off as "creepy"--but please, that's not my intention, I swear! I just...I seemed to have forgotten all capabilities of speaking and composing words at this moment--This is my fifth draft already, and I don't think I'm going to be any less incompetent at words any time soon.

So if you don't mind, I'd really appreciate it if you could read this to the end; there's a preposition there, and I'm trusting Kuroko Tetsuya to bring you this letter without having peeked inside first-- something I probably shouldn't do, given his mischievous nature--but I'm not sure I could handle seeing your reaction to this, even if it is not negative. I'm just too nervous right now.

How should I begin? Right, when we first met.

The first time I saw you was in the middle of the winter cup final, when you were sent out to guard me. You were shivering and shaking as you made your way onto the court, and your countenance was so pale, it resembled a ghost--which means a lot coming from someone who cannot be considered dark even after hours of exposure to the sun. In the exact words of a friend, you resembled a frightened chihuahua standing in front of a lion; it was as if, instead of a fellow competitor, your imminent opponent was the personification of death, and you were so terrified, I couldn't even remember what your actual features were: just how cold sweat rolled down your face and how you struggled to keep your eyelids open when looking at me.

I was not aware that my figure was so fear-inducing. And despite what my chilly exterior might have suggested, I was worried about you. Staring at your wobbly legs, I seriously wondered if you were okay, and would have sent you to a hospital if your teammates didn't refuse my offer.

But for your information, you weren't the only one feeling that way. My intestines, too, were twisted into a knot. I could barely breath, and it took me everything to restrain from vomiting my guts out beneath the buzzing audience. My muscles did not feel like mine when I walked across the court, and whenever my teammates called for me, I barely recognized their voices as my ears, my head, my body did not feel like mine.

This might be surprising, but competitions like these had always been terrifying to me. After all, none of them, big or small, was ever anything short of life-or-death; rather than "games", they felt like impending beheadings at which I was a prisoner: the blinding gym lights were the iron bars of a glistening cage, my opponents were duty-bound executioners, and questions like "They are all relying on me, aren't they?", "What should I do to win?", "Can I really pull this off?", "what if I lose?" swung and hovered over my head like a shiny, unused guillotine, ready to strike whenever needed. No matter how many times I stood on a court or whom I happened to face, that guillotine hovered over me; it swung back and forth, one moment staying comfortably above my head, and the other coming at me as if to end my life.

Even if I escaped from this hell, there was no joy; I knew somewhere that the relief is only temporary, and the guillotine would simply fall on me some other day instead of today. The cheering crowd, thus, became mourners for my next game, and praises became dirges yet to be sung.

Everything came down to me being an incredibly sore loser: I knew that I would have to face defeat someday, but I also thought that the day it happens will be as good as my death--so I try not to think about it, and instead focused on defeating and isolating people, objectifying them so that it wouldn't hurt as much when they disappoint me, or when I disappoint them.

You might say there's something wrong with that mindset, and I might agree with you, but I didn't know what else to do--

\--until I met you.

When you tumbled your way onto that court, you reminded me of a time back when I played for fun and didn't care about winning; the image was so nostalgic that for the first time in forever, I genuinely smiled on a basketball court. How pleasant, I thought, camaraderie, adrenaline-fueled friendships, the promises of how winning doesn't matter, ever--

It's rather unfortunate how all that turned out to be pure idiocy.

I tried to antagonize you. I tried to dehumanize you like I dehumanized everyone else. I tried to think that maybe you have a special skill up your sleeve, and that Seirin is just using your clumsiness as a way to get my guard down. Maybe they thought that I would expose my weakness--that I even had a weakness--in front of a seemingly harmless opponent, and if that was the case, I remember thinking, I would simply have to pulverize you to the extent that they'd never think of performing this farce again.

Within seconds of the game, however, I realized that there was no point in doing so. You were a lot less of a threat than I anticipated you to be, and I don't mean to...exacerbate any wounds, but I think we can both agree that your skill set was a tad "limited" in comparison to mine.

(I'm sorry....If you're so inclined, we can train together sometime in the future)

Yet, you did not surrender. No matter how many times you fell, you got up, and fought me every step of the way even though the entire stadium, including the Seirin team, thought that your resistance was futile. I think, to a certain extent, you thought the same thing: the thought of giving up evidently crossed your eyes, flickering your gaze between my feet and the Seirin bench, yet you shook your head and tried to harden your stance. You're shaking, shivering like a mess, but you ultimately refused to cower into a corner or just get off the court like others did.

Staring at your shaky figure, I remember thinking: "Why is he bothering with this? It's not like he stood a chance."

But you're trying so hard, I found it impossible to laugh at your efforts.

I later heard that we met at an earlier pre-game reunion I had with some of my former teammates even though I, uh, don't exactly remember you being there. In my defense I don't even remember myself being there, but, perhaps, one of the reasons I didn't see you was because I was so focused on everyone else. Back then, all I cared about were players like the generation of Miracles, and how I could say that I was better than them; I only had eyes for brilliant trophies, and Kagami Taiga, someone that's rumoured to be even better than the generation of miracles, was the best addition to my collection out of everyone in Seirin. Yet I couldn't care about him, or anyone else, as a person, as long as I got where I wanted.

I didn't think much of you, or anyone else on your team, when I marched onto the court that day. Kagami Taiga--and maybe Tetsuya--was my only opponent, and everyone else--the weak--was supposed to just be cannon fodder. I only wanted to defeat him and climb higher on my gold-studded path to victory, never mind why or how empty I felt along the way.

You changed that.

Your situation was growing more and more bleak as the game continued; a victory for Rakuzan seemed almost certain, and you, of all people, didn't have any skills to negate that threat. Your knees became gradually black and blue from repeated contact with the floor, and you're standing in fierce defense, not cowering into a corner, but that couldn't stop you from falling to the floor again and again until your legs were practically incapable of even nudging the feet connected to it in any direction.

After a particularly hard fall, you bowed your head down and didn't get up for a while. That's when I thought your spirit was broken. Even when you did get up afterwards, I thought that I had abused you to the extent that you can't fight back anymore. I suppose Chihiro, standing by the side, thought the same thing: like me, he must have thought that it was pointless to afflict further damage on a person whose condition at that time was already as far from optimal as can be, not that you were not a particularly threatening player to begin with. He probably ignored you out of pity, and even though I wouldn't have done the same thing he did, I can comprehend his decision.

And then you made that the biggest mistake he has ever made in his entire basketball career.

The second he left you an opening, you winced and bit your lips--to the point of indentation, as it later appeared--and dashed forward despite various spasms from your leg. Your balance was so disturbed that you could barely stand upright, but you coordinated a goal with your teammates in the fraction of a second, received the ball, and made an impeccable shot at the basket. All of the Rakuzan members were too far away to interfere, and I could only watch as the orange coloured ball circled the metal of the basket before falling through in one smooth motion.

As it did that, time slowed as I, piece of piece, came to a startling conclusion about you.

Despite your initial nervousness, you never intended to make me anything more, or less, than another opponent. You're not going to hand me my victory on a silver platter, even though you probably knew you were more likely to lose. To you, I am not a "Miracle", or some other god-like figure; no, you took the possibility of defeating me, however small, seriously, and you were going to fight me until the end. And as shown by that shot which bested me, you're taking your entire team with you.

"Are you stupid?" I remember thinking as you cheered with your teammates, but deep down, I have started to see you as something more than everyone else. For one, you are a fairly good basketball player--you are more than capable of scoring the second you see an opening, and you are also incredibly integrated with your team. You are one unit along with the rest of Seirin, and with each bounce of the ball, you read your teammate's ideas, their situations, and exactly what they wanted you to do in their grand plan. Which is exactly what a point guard is supposed to do--but it has become something so foreign to me after heading alone for so long.

But also, I admired your bravery; giving your all to a fight that you're going to lose, for the sake of your team, takes courage that most people don't have. A coward would have called defeat within minutes of the game, blaming the opponent for being too strong or finding some other excuse instead of just trying his best and, when he fails, admitting that it's his fault for being weak. Your skill level couldn't match mine--I think you knew that--but you stubbornly stayed on the court, confronted me, and basically stuck your head under the guillotine that had scared me to bits. For all my technical superiority I couldn't have done that; I would have shrunk back in fear rather than accepting that I could lose.

When you walked back to me, eyes more determined than those on anyone I'd seen, I felt a chill ran down my spine. Part of it is surprise--why you could be so happy about one basket--but another part of it is admiration and that nostalgic excitement I thought I had relinquished. And suddenly, I was so eager to play this game. Not because I wanted to collect another trophy, but because I wanted to feel the adrenaline in my veins and to enjoy playing against actual people, with actual people as my teammates, like I used to. At the moment our eyes met beneath glazing lights, I felt no difference between me and you.

But after I got off my high horse and onto the real ground, I saw you in every other opponent I played against that day. Namely your teammates. I remember thinking that Seirin's truly a family--that there's even an indescribable family resemblance among you guys--and your style made me feel warm, something I did not feel from my own teammates. Even Tetsuya looked less like the one I knew after a year at Seirin. The second Mayuzumi made the mistake of underestimating you, everyone on Seirin seized the opportunity to make a goal. Of course, I was angry at him...which seems to have left a rather sour impression on your team--but I also realized what made Seirin such a formidable team. They are composed of people like you, people who rely on their teammates instead of competing with their skills alone; a bunch that just won't fall, no matter how formidable the opponent is.

Even with your limited repertoire, you put up a fight. While you used all you had to aid your team, your eyes drilled into mine, screaming "I am not afraid of you" even though your body said the opposite, and I couldn't help but smile.

"It's been a while since I met someone as not-cowardly as this guy." I thought.

For the next couple of minutes I sprinted across the court, crushing my opponents as adrenaline and focus fueled my every movement. Your face was in pain, but your eyes were still drilling into mine as you tried to keep up with my movement, and it excited me to no end. I was having the best time of my life.

But suddenly you fell, and then left, knees too bruised and shaky to be of any use to your team.

I watched in dazed confusion as you collapsed on the bench, beneath the worried gaze of your friends, and cried; you violently bit your lip to the point of more blood, but you couldn't stop the tears flowing out of your eyes and for some reason, I couldn't take my eyes off of you. In the midst of my fire, I had wanted to apologize. I would have apologized a million times if I could, but, subconsciously, I don't think that's what you'd have wanted. You fought with all your might and crashed, too, with all your might.

Amidst the scraping feet and the cheering crowd, I distinctly heard you say: "Why wasn't I strong enough?" before your surprisingly small frame trembled, shrunk, and burst out in uncontrollable sobs.

I had wanted to reply: "It's not you; it's me. You couldn't have stopped me--no one could have. You're not responsible for your loss here, stop crying."

Be a coward for once, god damn it.

Anyway, the rest of the day was uneventful. You guys won in the end, but I think that, secretly, I was happy to be defeated. I was glad to have an excuse to change myself, and I have to thank you for it.

Oh, and by the way, since you guys won by only one point, your shot mattered. Your perseverance, drive, and teamwork mattered. Sure, Kuroko and Kagami are strong but to me, you represented what I, and my team, lacked. You represented what made my team lose, and in my opinion, you, not Kuroko or Kagami, defeated Rakuzan, and for that, I admire you.

Oh dear, this letter is getting longer than I thought it would be. And this is only how we met? Please forgive me... you are the first person to whom I have felt this way towards, and it seems that I forget how to put anything into words when I talk with you. I don't know how ancient poets write these elegant poems; I could only ramble on and on and hope that I'm not wasting your time. I mean if I am, indeed, wasting your time, you could just skip to the end and then come back...

But I'm beseeching you: please read the whole letter. Everything here, however pathetically presented, is what I wanted to say to you, face to face.

In the weeks following the battle at winter cup, I couldn't get you out of my mind. To be honest, I wasn't even aware of your physical appearance at that point--All I could recall was how you made me feel, and how I wanted to know you, not only as a player, but as a person beyond the court. Thence, I began asking around for information about you from people around me. And by "people around me", I meant mostly Kuroko, since he's the only one I knew that's been in school with you.

I guess that...I wanted to visualize you in my life, to see the way you smile and talk and walk, to see you as a human and not just an empty first impression. But I wasn't a creepy stalker or anything--I didn't know why, but I was curious about you, that's all.

If you ask Kuroko about his perspective on this matter he would say that I "grilled" him on information about you, apparently "harassing" him until he provided me with a conclusive frame of who "Furihata Kouki" was. But I was actually very polite when I inquired about you. No, I'm serious! I didn't coerce him into sharing everything, just invited him to tell me things I imagine you'd have no problem telling me yourself: stuff like how your favorite subject was biology, how you had a rather expansive train collection in your bedroom, or how you can cook really well, even though it's only omelettes...also like how you are in the library club, and how you confessed to a girl at the beginning of the year but she turned you down with an ambiguous line about becoming the best at something before going out with you.

Oh, by the way, I love omelettes, and I find train collections rather pleasant to look at too. Occasionally I enjoy cozying up with a good book, and biology's not my best subject--I didn't, and still don't quite understand how anyone could find evolution and microscopic organelles interesting--but since you, and a lot of other people around me, liked the subject, I'm going to pay more attention in class from now on. And I have no idea what that girl meant by "wanting you to become the best at something" before going out with you, but I dare to surmise that it's nothing you'd like to hear about, and would suggest that you "give up" on her, so to say.

...

...Tetsuya also told me a couple of random stories from your shared school lives, and I'm going to retell a couple of these back to you, just so you know how I got my impression of you and why I decided to write this letter.

According to Kuroko, two of your friends--Kawahara and Fukuda if I recall their names correctly--were quite ecstatic after Seirin's victory at the winter cup. They were apparently so smug about having "completely destroyed" the reigning champion Rakuzan, that they forgot that they had major exams on the next day and instead of studying, spent the day before in a local steak house "celebrating"--celebrating what, I have no idea; unlike you, they gave up before me within literal seconds on the court-- and they called you to join them, but you refused. In the end, the party consisted only of them and Kagami because, apparently, "Bakagami-kun would have failed even if he seriously studied for his exams." Tetsuya, however, wondered if these two just didn't care about the exam enough in the face of such great happiness, since you did inform them that there was an exam tomorrow.

Well, either way, you and Tetsuya were studying together at his house. You two, apparently, started to talk about me, and Tetsuya relayed some of the information discussed back to my ears: according to you, I'm "entirely worthy of being called a 'miracle'", and since we played the same position on court, you learned a lot from our encounter even though you were a little frazzled at the end of it. Tetsuya told you my life story (which is actually one of my sore spots...oh well), and even though you sympathized with my horrible childhood, you said that I am first and foremost an excellent leader and player, not a victim.

I just want to say that I'm very honoured that you thought so highly of me.

As the conversation expanded to about the general winter cup, Tetsuya asked you why you didn't go to the celebration with your friends. With your grades and your work ethic, he told me, you could have gotten a fairly decent grade even if you didn't study the day before.

When asked that, you apparently forced a laugh and said: "Because I shouldn't be the one celebrating".

Then who should? Tetsuya followed.

"Maybe you and Kagami-kun." You replied, "I mean, you guys are the ones that actually defeated Akashi-san."

No they were not, Tetsuya corrected, a little angrily. You were a crucial member of Seirin, and the team's teamwork, not any individual, was responsible for Rakuzan's defeat. At that you smiled, but then hurried the both of you to get back to studying. Tetsuya noted to me that even though you acted happy at the mention of Seirin's victory, your face fell as soon as he brought up Rakuzan.

I'm going to guess, based on what I've heard and seen at the competition, that instead of feeling happy over other people's accomplishments, you were angry at yourself because you were "too weak" to contribute to them. To which I say bullocks. You were a crucial part of Seirin and, as I said previously, the person responsible for my defeat. But being the brave person that you are, I'll guess that you wouldn't listen to me. You would have continued to push yourself until you believe that you have overcome your perceived struggles, and until that happens, you will work toward that goal in spite of bruised knees and tears.

Days after the test that you two studied for, Tetsuya said you began to get harder on yourself--not that you weren't hard on yourself in the first place. According to him, you started to volunteer for extra laps in basketball practice, and frequently stayed after practice to perfect your drills. I could also tell that you exercised everyday during summer vacation, and there must have been some serious muscle cramps as a result of that. Occasionally it looked like you wanted to give up, but in the end, you just shook your head and continued on. You even watched videos of the competition and took notes each time. And, somehow as a part of the process, put a picture of me in your wallet.

Kuroko, for your information, did not take that last action well; he thought that it meant you liked my face, so he was surprised and a little too happy that two of his friends are "getting along". However, I'm going to guess that you used the picture as a way to remind yourself of your loss against me, not because you liked my face in any way.

Why did I guess that? Because I did the same thing: I loathed my father's soul, and his face never fails to infuriate me, but I wanted to become better than him so I have a picture of him on my nightstand to push myself every day. I'm not quite sure how I feel about being that person for you...but I was impressed, because you turned out to be a little more selfish than I thought you were. You were angry because you didn't contribute to the team, and the fact that your team won made you unhappy made me think that you saw yourself as a separate player, not just a part of the team like your two friends and Kuroko were. After all, I didn't hear anything about others doing the same thing you did.

But being a little selfish is not a bad thing. Not riding on other people's coattails is the right thing to do, and something we apparently shared in common. When Tetsuya told me all this, I distinctly remembered thinking "wow, we would really get along--We were both ambitious and desperate to become the best." So, naturally, I asked Tetsuya for a picture of you to put in my wallet.

And for your information, he did not take that request in the correct way either. Even to this day I do not have a picture of you, which saddens me.

Regardless of how Tetsuya took our actions, I see that you gained a lot of muscle since when I last saw you, and I'm glad that I helped you change for the better, because you did the same for me--Thanks to you, I started talking to my teammates as fellow players, and found a new passion for basketball that I didn't have before.

Oh, and I heard you did "disturbingly well" on your test, according to Tetsuya.

I have no inkling what he meant, but I suppose a congratulations is in order?

Ah, speaking on the subject of studying, Kuroko and I were discussing our teammates' academic performance one day--out of sheer curiosity, of course, and we didn't go into too much detail about anyone in particular. But just so you know, I excel in all of my classes, Reo's a diligent student with B's in some and A's in others, Kotarou's surprisingly good at art, and the only subject Nebuya's good at is lunch. And as I anticipated from Kuroko's usual descriptions, Kagami Taiga is horrible at everything, Hyuuga Junpei was okay at everything, Izuki Shun's brilliant, and Kuroko himself excelled in humanities, but utterly failed in the sciences (Fun fact--he and Mayuzumi are similar in this aspect, except it's the other way for Mayuzumi). I was rather confused at this last fact, and had asked him why he could do well in one subject but not the other. Tetsuya then proceeded to silently judge me as if I was a buffoon for asking this question.

It's not his fault, he protested. He just doesn't have enough passion for certain subjects. Even though he'd like to do well in everything, he can't muster up the energy to study for "boring subjects" like math and physics, and if he's going to fail these subjects anyway he might as well do well in subjects he does like, like literature or history. Some can excel in everything, but it's simply not possible for an ordinary, non-absolute human like him.

Hm. I thought. I then asked him about how well you, Furihata Kouki, did in your classes.

Tetsuya rolled his eyes for a second and remarked that you're quite involved in your studies, if not a little too involved. I asked him what he meant by "too involved", and he told me a story about how you, apparently, stayed up until 2AM everyday the week before an exam to recopy all one hundred pages of your notes, because that's how you believed you needed to study. And this wasn't even your favorite subject. In fact, Tetsuya added, it was your least favorite subject--history. He said that you have a definite preference towards math and science, especially biology, but you try not to let it show; I heard that you were ashamed for even having a least favorite subject in the first place, since you believed that all subjects are created equal, and deserve equal respect.

That somehow translated into you spending the most amount of time on your least favorite subject, so that you would not fall behind, even though you had no passion for it and hated every second of studying for it to the point that the more you studied, the more you hated history.

At this point, I asked: "Is this guy a masochist?"

Tetsuya shrugged. If he surrounded himself with things that he cannot take even a little bit of pleasure in, like you did, he would have gone mad a long time ago--and apparently you have been pushed to the brink many times, sobbing "I just don't understand what I'm doing anymore". But as soon as Tetsuya, Kawahara, Fukuda, or your mother told you that it's okay to take a rest, because grades don't matter as much you thought they did, you started studying again because...of some reason Tetsuya can't comprehend.

So how well did he do? I asked.

Well, Kuroko replied, not bad, but not great either, considering how much effort you put into studying. Your best score was 10th in a class of fifty for biology, and his was 5th for history, but he takes studying a lot less seriously than you do. It appears that you were putting yourself out, only to get nothing in return.

Ah, up until now, all I've been doing is telling you things that you already know about yourself; it's only fair that you learn something about me in return. I know you heard a bit about me already, and I'm not sure how much Tetsuya has already told you, but here, this is my life story--it'll help you understand why I fell for you, I promise:

I was born to a rather affluent family in Kyoto. My mother passed away when I was seven--maybe I was a year or two younger than that, I don't remember exactly--and, of course, I missed her dearly. She was a good mother. For one, she introduced me to basketball, and I'll be eternally grateful to her for that--but to be honest, I didn't miss her as much as my classmates perhaps thought I did. After all, I was so young; I couldn't even remember her face that well, much less have a meaningful bond with her. Her death didn't have much of an impact on me, but dear, a childhood without a mother is a lonely one.

So, with my mother gone, I grew up with my businessman father who believed in being the best at everything you do. For him, there was no meaning in life aside from awards and accomplishments, and if you can't become the best in something, there's no point in doing it. It was absolute--it doesn't matter if you're only one point away from number one, or what you did to get there, number two is simply not "good enough"; to be anything other than the top is to lose, and even though I lost so much in pursuit of it, I kept on looking for that thing they call "perfection" because that's the only thing I knew.

I'm sure Tetsuya made my father sound like an insufferable jerk, but to be frank, he's not that horrible. He never forced me to adopt his ideals, or physically punished me when I didn't live up to them--I was free to become anything I wanted, but when you grow up in that kind of environment, you become it.

Thus, I spent my childhood striving to be the top. Basketball, Shogo, School--whatever, I focused on what I wanted out of them, which were results and awards. And I achieved them. Like you, I put in countless hours of energy on activities I hated, and as a result, became known as "the Emperor that never lost", which should have been everything I wanted. Yet, I felt a sense of meaninglessness in my life. It was as if...the only things I had in my life were fake, ephemeral, and could be taken away in an instant. For what do I live? Why am I slaving away and abandoning my friends? What am I gaining? These questions popped into my mind on a daily basis, yet I could not answer them.

I continued to work for more awards, just so the temporary happiness could silence these questions. Yet, as time went on, the happiness these accomplishments brought me became less and less, and I struggled with myself--

Until I met you.

By the time we met face to face again, I had already heard so much about you that I could practically picture you in my life--a plain, but determined boy who won't give up on his goals. Who, when faced with a difficulty, immediately thinks about how to conquer it. Tetsuya told me all about your hobbies, and I found myself thinking of you every time I flipped over my biology notes for an exam or passed by a train.

In my mind, I pondered what you would say to my problems. I wanted to inquire: You're putting in work even though you're not at the top. Why are you still working so hard, then, if you can't get those awards I have strived for my entire life? For what is Furihata Kouki working towards? Those were the questions I carried with me when I went to Tetsuya's birthday party that night, and when I timidly asked them after meeting you, this was your answer:

"Because I want to become better than I was yesterday. For me, trying your hardest is not about how many awards you get, or how tall you could stand above others; it's about becoming that something, or someone, that you thought only possible in your dreams. It's about moving yourself toward who you wanted to be and what you learned, not how well you do against others."

...

"trying your hardest is not about how many awards you get, or how tall you could stand above others; it's about becoming that something, or someone, that you thought only possible in your dreams."

I wonder, during the time we talked, if it ever crossed your mind why I knew your name even though we've never talked?

Before I met you, part of me thought that I was delusional, since I haven't even talked with you and everything could be a lie. But when you told me these words, something clicked and, suddenly, everything made sense. I knew what I was missing: a purpose. Who I wanted to be aside from a collection of trophies. Friends, families, lovers that surround me and make who I am. And just like that, I fell in love. Before seeing you in flesh, I had loved you as a collection of personality traits and stories that immensely inspired and attracted me, somewhat far away, but when I heard your voice and talked to you as a person, you became real, a breathing human. I fell in love with your brown hair, your tiny, but round irises, all converging to form the brave soul hidden behind a mask of underconfidence.

When we first talked, Tetsuya had described you as a coward. How could he have done that? You're the exact opposite of one: cowards shrink back in the face of responsibility, while you take it up, even if you knew you could fail; cowards shirk responsibility at the slightest resistance, but you beat yourself up over any perceived failure even if it's not your fault, and work to change yourself for the better; and last, but not least, cowards only do what benefits them today, while you work your head off to become better tomorrow.

If anything, I was the coward. I only cared about winning and, in the process, forgot who I wanted to be. I couldn't see my own problems, and in the end, relied on another team to help me solve them. I am like a Lion--strong, tall, impeccable on the outside, but so vulnerable on the inside and always looking for outside justification to prove my worth.

I am not worthy. But this cowardly I doth promise, if we were to become lovers, I would treasure you with all I have. Since that time we first met, I have always admired your bravery, which contrasted so mercilessly against my cowardice. Before I knew it, I wanted you in my life, not as a distant story to be heard from someone else, but as a person that participates in my life. You will be my light and my inspiration, and I will never, ever abandon you. You are the first person I have felt this towards, and I hope you will be my last.

I love you, Furihata Kouki. Will you go out with me?

From,  
Akashi Seijuurou.


	2. Reply

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the reply lol...I told you that it's going to be short, right? it's written at 2 so sorry

Dear Mr. Akashi Seijuurou:

Hi! As you already know, my name is Furihata Kouki--you already know, because you recently sent me a pretty long letter detailing how you fell in love with me. And even though I'm sure you don't need a reply now, I just want to say "thank you". Thank you, for falling in love with me, for writing that letter and putting your soul into it, and for giving me so much confidence with your love, that I have to pinch myself everyday to make sure that this isn't a dream. 

You know...I really wish that I had even half of your eloquence in that letter, because when your name pops up, it fills me to the brim with happiness--because you're such a brilliant person, and not without your flaws but so, so perfect at the same time--yet I can't even write a paragraph to detail my feelings. You make me so happy, and all I can say is yes, I would go out with you. I love you so much, so much that it hurts, and I want to spend my life with you. 

I love you, Sei.

But hey, babe, next time you confess to someone via a letter, give that letter to the person before the third year of your wedding anniversary, kay? I really would have preferred this over showing up in front of my school with a ten-foot limo...but eh, there won't be a next time. Still, this is cute, and the fact that you didn't have the guts to give i to me earlier is even cuter.

Love,  
Furihata Kouki.

**Author's Note:**

> ...Please keep any criticisms constructive, please. ;-;
> 
> I have been fussing over this for a month now, and finally, I think it's as good as it's ever going to be---which is not that good, I'm sorry. I have been unable to write a decent story lately, and I apologize for any bad writing, horrible transition, illogical jumps in ideas, and OOC here.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (P.S I'll try to update my other fic soon...)


End file.
